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Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by Willy on Sun Jan 04, 2009 11:20 pm

I somehow can't see many people actively seeking rapists, unless of course they have some strange fetish. Wink
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by randomsam on Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:11 am

well, you get all sorts don't you

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by Willy on Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:17 am

Not me personally. I don't like liquorice.
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by randomsam on Mon Jan 05, 2009 12:24 am

I don't like liquorice either but I do like liquor Very Happy

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by randomsam on Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:06 pm

did I kill this thread?

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:21 pm

very possibly, but by posting on it again, you have brought it back to life..
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by Willy on Tue Jan 27, 2009 2:20 pm

On the subject of men who look like lesbians (see 'Count to a billion' thread) here are some dykey, blokey, weirdy, erm...things.

http://www.cracked.com/article_17002_30-more-men-who-look-like-old-lesbians.html

And here's one of my favourite DVD extras ever, that just so happens to be on the 2nd disc of Extras. Probably about the only time I'll find Ricky Gervais funny. He just comes across as a twat on stage, but The Office and Extras are quality, in my opinion.


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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:11 am

I had my annual check up the other day, the nurse told me I had to stop wanking, I asked why, "because I'm trying to examine you" she said.
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by rob_of_the_robots on Wed Jan 28, 2009 12:40 pm

A man was going on a long journey through the desert. However, he had no transport so he went to a camel trader (true story) and he said
"This is a very good camel but it is also very religious. To make it walk you must say Hallelujah and to make it stop you must say Amen".
The man thought that it was a very reasonably priced camel (just 8,000 EGP) and so he bought it. So, the man got on the camel and said
"Amen" (cos he's a bit thick like that)
and then he said
"Hallelujah"
and as advertised the camel set off. Despite making good speed, the camel was amazingly comfortable and the man soon felt himself getting drowsy and eventually fell asleep to the gentle roll of the camel's lollop. When the man woke up he got a big surprise. Just 100m away was a great cliff (well it was probably great but the man could only see the edge of it and so coulnd't really judge the depth). The man started panicking and got all in a fluster. He couldn't remember how to stop the camel and so, convinced he was going to die he prayed to God.
"Dear god, please save my arse from falling off this cliff (the man wasn't very religious and so wasn't very well acquainted with prayers) as I have always tried to be a good person. Amen".
And to his relief the camel skidded to a sudden stop not 2 feet from the cliff edge (and now he could see it was a very great cliff).

"HALLELUJAH" cheers


Last edited by rob_of_the_rovers on Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:17 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by DodgyGambit on Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:10 pm

surely when the man jumps onto the camel initially h should sat hallelujah instead of amen?

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by rob_of_the_robots on Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:20 pm

Sorry, got a bit carried away with my story telling.

Changed it now though.

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:47 pm

Tony Hart has sadly passed away at the age of 83, his funeral has been pencilled in for Friday
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:49 pm

Whats the difference between Boy Goerge and a scouse car thief?






The scouse car thief wouldnt have caught trying to force his way in to the back of an escort
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:51 pm

Been chatting to a girl online, she is 14, sexy, flirty and dirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop, how cool is that at her age.
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:01 pm

A young boy asks his dad "Dad, whats the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"

Dad thinks for a bit before saying "I guess you are old enough to know the difference now, follow me."

They make their way to the parents room, where they find mum asleep, naked on the bed. Dad points between her legs and says "Son, that is a pussy."

"WOW, can I stroke the pussy dad?" says the boy.

Dad replies "NO you'll wake the cunt up."
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:03 pm

Whats the difference between jam and marmalade??



You cant marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:07 pm

A Charity Pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended in to chaos yesterday when someone shouted
"He's behind you!!"
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by Rover the Sea on Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:18 pm

StLedge wrote:Whats the difference between jam and marmalade??



You cant marmalade your cock up your girlfriends arse

Well, you can try, but it might end up shredded? Laughing

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by DodgyGambit on Sun Feb 08, 2009 1:25 pm

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner, Mother Potato and her three daughters.

Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up.

"Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."

"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.

"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"

"I'm marrying a Russet!"

"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."

"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"

"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"

"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.

"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."

"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"

"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?"

"I'm marrying John Motson!"

"JOHN MOTSON?!" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by rob_of_the_robots on Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:54 pm

No

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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Fri Feb 13, 2009 9:36 pm

A new survey out today revealed that 85% of men in Liverpool enjoy sex in the shower, whereas the other 15% haven't been to prison yet
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by blackburndan on Wed Feb 18, 2009 12:12 pm

**Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex

Positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."



"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy

"What is it?"



"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount Her

from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her Breasts in

your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just Like your

sister's.'

Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:04 pm

So Jade and Jack are married, I give it a month!!
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by StLedge on Thu Feb 26, 2009 11:46 am

Paddy asks Murphy "Why do SCUBA divers fall of their boat backwards" to which Murphy replies "You're such a thick twat Paddy, if they fell forwards, they would still be in the fucking boat!"
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

Post by RW on Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:34 pm

What's the smartest think to come out of a woman's mouth?


Einstein's cock.


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Being eaten by a shark.
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Re: Jokes, Jokes my kingdom for some Lemon Cheesecake

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