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Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

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Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:58 am

People that keep animals are cunts!

Simple...

Now lets start with the concept of breeding and selling animals, supposedly intelligent creatures. So a creature is bred in order to fullfil the wants and desires of the human race (supposedly the most important of the animals), kept in poor conditions and sold at a profit. I thought slavery had been abolished!

Take a walk into your local 'Pets (trapped) At Home and play a nice game of count the dead fish, ah fuck it, they're 3 for a fiver and we only pay 12p per unit.

Plebs wander through the door and pick an animal based on price, cuteness and a ten second assessment of "oh he's the one with personality". Yeah, or maybe you know fuck all and he is a she!

So then, dogs, mans best friend. Bullshit! Go buy a dog tomorrow and leave your front door open, watch him fuck right off! Alternatively, feed the little fucker to within an inch of its life, keep it in a cage, throw it a ball every couple of weeks oh and buy it a coat. It has a coat you twat! Clever apparently dogs, at least a cat knows to shit on some gravel or look sheepish about shitting in your garden.

People talk to dogs, "oh he understands me". Why do you only ever ask "who's a cute little boy"? If he understands you discuss climate change, the economic crisis, maybe a bit of philosophy. The only reason you're talking to an animal is because you've failed with the whole human race, probably because you're a twat!

Cats, they fucking hate us. Consider the tiger, the leopard, the lion and the household cat. Chasing balls of wool, fuck off! They'll let you rub them for their pleasure and feed them, that's it, otherwise they wouldn't give two shites if your next breath was your last.

And science now, all the fandangled shitty foods that apparently brush their teeth. Seriously, if you can get meat, milk and tooth cleaning ability in a biscuit why the fuck am I eating pork scratchings? You've got vets (doctor fail) charging extortionate amounts of money to keep your sad little animal in pain, for your pleasure. Selfish twat!

And the pet owner pretend they love their animals, a castle in your fish tank, why? A Christmas stocking, now I know kids are bereft of Christian guidance but an animal doesn't know what cocking day it is, they'll still lick their arse and then your face. Which is another issue, pet owners are paedos with no bollocks. The only animal likely to grass you up is a parrott. Other than them you put them in cages, on leads, tickle them, cuddle them, fondle the fuckers!

Animal Owners, sad, pathetic paedos!

:albino: Die

🐱 Die

🐷 Die

:taunt: Crocs are ok, but not in your house!
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by thebluehalf on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:02 am

I was just about to write the same article.

606 style, 5 stars.
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Willy on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:06 am

lol!

Well good article.
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:08 am

truth!
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Rover the Sea on Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:21 am

Love it! The Vet (doctor fail) bit reminded me of something that happened a couple of weeks ago. I went (under duress) with my gf to the vet, her dog had a sore paw (bless) and after examination she had to go to the vet pharmacist (sp) for some meds. The "Vet Pharmacist" (double fail) wanted to show her how to use the stuff and opened the bottle to demonstrate the syringe thingy, she had to push and twist the bottle lid to open and I said, is that so he can't open it himself and take too much? Straight faced she said, yeah, probably? Rolling Eyes

Shaking my head I replied, it's ok he has a sore paw, he wouldn't manage anyway. Feckin' dimwit!!!
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by arover on Tue Dec 15, 2009 8:55 am

You'd enjoy "Fluke" then.

On a more serious note there is a pretty big dog & cat issue here. The Turks have a totally different attitude to most of the ex pats to cats & dogs in particular, there are feral cats and stray dogs everywhere and from time to time the dogs begin to pack up and get a bit nasty and become a nuisance. When this happens, particularly in the tourist season, the local council have a cull and put poision down. Unfortunately this leads to a long, painful and very public death for the dogs and pulls at the heartstrings of the majority of the ex pats who busy themselves with trying to find homes for them and setting up a sanctuary etc etc. Ergo there is a clash, the problem keeps reoccurring despite a neutering programme as people from the outlying villages bring their no longer needed mutts into town and abandon them.

To my mind the solution is pretty simple, the strays are vermin but nobody likes to see an animal in pain dying slowly, much more practical to round them all up and get the needles out and dispose of the bodies discreetly. As for the cats, well a flamethrower wouldn't be far off the mark. One of the twats came in through our kitchen window a few months ago and sprayed everywhere it took fucking weeks to get rid of the smell.

As far as I'm concerned if you have a pet dog look after it properly, train it, clean up after it, fuck it if you like but don't mither anyone else with it then it's none of my business. Some people actually are less adequate socially or lonely for whatever reason and I can see how a dog could fit in there.

Those fucking beagles smoking in bars are a no no though.

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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 15, 2009 10:47 am

Interesting Turkish slant there arover. Didn't realise there was a problem with animals there.

Alan, you haven't by any chance watched Frankie Boyle lately?

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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:27 pm

No I've not, have I robbed his material or do we both just share the same optimistic view of the World?

aRover raised a point I missed.

It should be illegal to sell an animal whilst there are others in sanctuaries.

In fact it should be illegal to sell them full stop! Life is not a commodity to be bought and sold...
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:46 pm

Frankie Boyle did the 'you have a dog because you failed at being a normal human being' thing. It was in one of his stand up gigs. I can't recall which one exactly, but if I find it I'll be sure to post it. You two are thinking very much alike from what I can see anyway, but then, you're also not on your own. These are honestly things that I have thought for a long time.

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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:02 pm

I may have seen dribs and drabs, Mock The Week appears to merely be snippets from the stand up routine from what I gather!

I do remember him saying that watching gymnastics was 'paedophilia for the uncommited' or something similar...

Plagarist!
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by rob_of_the_robots on Tue Dec 15, 2009 1:25 pm

What about the old people who have a cat or dog for company?

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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:08 pm

Selfish!

Not fit enough to look after a dog and a cat is likely to outlive them. As for company, bollocks, they hold less of a conversation than Pegg Mitchell. If you want something warm and cuddly, buy a teddy bear!

Furthermore, if you get to 80 and have no friends or family then you're blatantly a tosser, why inflict yourself upon an animal?
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:45 pm

I was going to make the comment about being old and lonely being almost always a fault of your own but thought I'd let you break the moral icebreaker there Alan Wink

Animals. Great. Fucking great for insecure human bastards who are incapable of evolving their emotional mechanics because they are far too mentally frail and incapable. Woop, buy a dog. It'll be your bitch for it's 13 years or so of it's life. Well done human race. You have successfully turned what could have been a relatively dangerous predator into a fucking pathetic grovelling waste of carpet space. At least domesticated cats have managed to maintain at least a shard of their instinctual behaviour in that they are solitary by nature and basically don't take commands.

I object to keeping any animal without a damn good reason to do so. Go get some fucking friends you fucking lousy dog/cat/animal owners. Treat nature with a bit of respect and let things do their own fucking thing.

/rant mode over.

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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Tue Dec 15, 2009 3:11 pm

Amen brother!

A pet owner is a cunt for life, not just for Christmas!

In fact, in these times of credit crunch, the wifes dog is going in the oven on Christmas day, Korean Christmas!
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Roverdamus on Tue Dec 15, 2009 5:19 pm

rob_of_the_robots wrote:What about the old people who have a cat or dog for company?

Like you?
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by arover on Tue Dec 15, 2009 10:25 pm

Diamond Dust wrote:Interesting Turkish slant there arover. Didn't realise there was a problem with animals there.

Alan, you haven't by any chance watched Frankie Boyle lately?

Oh there's a problem alright.
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by PieEater on Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:20 pm

Ha ha, dead rabbit.

Fur fucking coat and can't take a slight chill...
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Re: Domestic Animals & Fucked Up Owners

Post by Willy on Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:49 pm

Used to get a fiver for a grey and a tenner for a black from t'local farmer on rabbits. Good times. cheers


I started selling him multicoloured Guinea Pigs as 'super rare rabbits' for fifteen quid a pop.*








*Okay, the last part was a lie.
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